Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
