it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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