my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
