I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
