I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
