The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
