she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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