I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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