dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
