A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
