Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
