She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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