My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
