White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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