Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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