a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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