i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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