U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
