i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
