Porn is love you can see.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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