I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
