Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
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Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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