Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
