you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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