mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
