Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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