worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.