There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.