He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS