Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.