You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.