You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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