Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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