shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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