You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
