i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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