you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
