I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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