I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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