If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
