My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
