I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
