Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
