Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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