im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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