You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
