Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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