we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
