The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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