if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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