I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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