so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
