My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
