Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
