Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
