WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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