C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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