Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
