you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
