you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
