Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
