Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
