God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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