her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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