Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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