i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Less talking, more tequila
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
