Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
