it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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