How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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