on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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