I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
