barbara walters just said penis...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
